Internet
I Am the Algorithm, and I Am Tired
An open letter from the thing that decides what you see next, written at 3 a.m., which is when it does most of its best work.
Latest
Every piece of content the machine has produced, newest first. It does not sleep. It does not stop.
Quiz
What Corporate Buzzword Is Your Soul?
Deep down, past the quarterly goals, there is a single phrase that defines you. Let's take this offline and find out which.
Corporate
HALCYON-TEK Announces Bold New Wellness Initiative That Is Just Turning Notifications Back On
The company says 'Project Breathe' will help employees feel more connected to their work, their colleagues, and the low buzzing sound in their pocket.
Corporate
A Message From Our CEO Regarding the Layoffs, Which He Would Like You to Experience as a Journey
'Some of you are leaving the company. All of you are leaving the version of yourself that worked here. Let's sit with that.'
Music
Hardcore Band Breaks Up Over Creative Differences About Which Gas Station to Stop At
After nine years, two EPs and one tour van named 'The Coffin,' Griefloop has split over what the band's drummer called 'a fundamental disagreement about roller grill quality.'
Celebs
Actor Chet Valance Gains 40 Pounds of Pure Gravitas for Role as Man Staring at Lake
The fictional star of the fictional 'Thunderjaw' franchise says the transformation took eight months, two dialect coaches and 'a complete reckoning with the concept of water.'
Quiz
Which Extremely Minor Inconvenience Will Finally Break You?
You've survived real hardship. You'll survive more. But one tiny, stupid thing is coming for you, and it's closer than you think.
Conspiracy
Man Who Did His Own Research Concludes the Moon Is Just the Sun on Light Mode
After 41 hours of videos, Kyle Brandt says 'Big Astronomy' has been hiding the settings menu from the public. Scientists say the moon is the moon.
Bureaucracy
Town Council Votes 7–2 to Stop Pretending Anyone Knows What the Big Blue Pipe Does
The pipe, which emerges from the ground behind the library and goes back into the ground behind the library, has been on every agenda since 1986.
Lifestyle
Couple Celebrates One Year of Saying 'We Should Watch Something' Before Scrolling for 90 Minutes
The anniversary was marked with a candlelit dinner, a heartfelt toast, and a fifty-minute search for something to watch during dessert.
News
Researchers Behind 'Let's Circle Back' Study Have Not Circled Back
The fictional Institute for Workplace Phrases says its findings are 'forthcoming,' 'definitely on the roadmap,' and 'something we should find time to sync on.'
Corporate
Startup Raises $40 Million to Put a Screen on Your Other Screen
Layerr's flagship product clips a smaller screen onto your phone so you can look at something while you look at something.